Date #20 – Test Your Love
We met at speed dating almost six years ago and spent a good chunk of our relationship dating long distance. Now we’re cohabitating.
HEATHER: Greg and I spent a Sunday afternoon on the most literal date in The Marriage Test – “Test Your Love.” We used the suggested The 5 Love Languages personal profile and a “Rate Your Mate” survey dug-up on divorcenet.com. (We also set-up up a snack and some cocktails because dates we like often have cocktails… and snacks.)
First, some notes about The 5 Love Languages. One love language is “receiving gifts.” What comes to mind is husbands who buy their wives fancy gifts because they’re cheating on them and men who buy their mistresses fancy gifts because they’re not their wives… also the wives and mistresses who demand men spend extravagantly on them. For this reason, I’m reluctant to express a preference for “receiving a small token of appreciation“ over “touching a lot during the normal course of a day.” Then I remember finding Quint sitting in the bathroom. A few weeks prior I spotted the The Funko Jaws ReAction Quint Action Figure on a trip to Seattle. Although really smitten, I couldn’t justify spending $10.99 for the instant gratification. I didn’t give lil’ Quint another thought. Then after a crappy day at work there he was atop a roll of toilet paper. This made me very happy. This made me love Greg. So, in this one instance, receiving gifts triumphed, but mostly I’m into “quality time” and “acts of service.” Greg is also into “quality time” which works out well for us, but prefers “physical touch” over “acts of service.” This is a thing where we’re different. We knew it before we circled the letters on the worksheets.
Fortunately, our divorcenet.com “Rate Your Mate” surveys rated us almost 100% compatible. No reason whatsoever for us to dissolve our not-marriage according to the survey. After breezing through it, we filled them out again applying the questions to the people we did divorce. Our former partners rated high in the mutual respect and common interest categories – there was a reason we were with them. But these relationships scored lower on questions concerning money, career, friends and family – issues that left unaddressed can lead to a break-up. Which, quite inadvertently, brings me back to the premise of The Marriage Test. You can’t circle matching preferences on a piece of paper and have confidence a relationship will last. Going on some dates that start a conversation about obstacles you’ll likely face as a long-term couple kinda seems like a good idea.
GREG: After five years together, I was confident that Heather and I were very compatible. That said, I was curious to see if something would be revealed, maybe something she wasn’t comfortable saying to me. What I did learn was she really did appreciate the things I do for her. I often feel I want her to know how much she means to me and I know saying “I love you” over and over really isn’t enough. Knowing she is aware of the little things I do for her and that she understands these things are done out of my love for her, made the “date” well worth the effort.