Date #12 – Not That Again
We started dating in 2011 and began living together almost immediately. We’ve always had a great sex life, but this was still a challenge
GRANT*: This is a story about three platitudes
“Have sex every day for a week without repeating the same act twice.” How hard could that be? Well, turns out more difficult than you think. The problem wasn’t thinking up fun, sexy things to do. It was the having sex every night part.
Here comes the first platitude: Life is complicated and can be stressful at times.
That can be especially true for Jess and I who both left our cushy jobs earlier this year to start our own business. It’s pretty easy to derail a seven-night streak when your life partner becomes your co-founder. Small arguments can grow pretty tall and bear some bitter fruits when you fertilize them with a sprinkling of financial strain, a regular dose of 14-hour work days, and a one-bedroom apartment that doubles as an office for two. So getting distracted from sex can be easy.
Eventually, after months of starting and stopping the date and finally achieving a healthy business trajectory, Houston, we’ve landed…ok, we got to four days in a row!
I’ll spare you the boy-meets-girl story, but let’s say I was wildly attracted to Jess ever since our first class together in grad school. The first night we made-out, we threw each other around my front porch. We probably made several people in the neighborhood very uncomfortable, including my sweet, elderly landlord.
As I walked Jess to her car later that night, she said “We’re going to have painfully good sex.” She was right. We would talk endlessly during the day, dance our way to close at our favorite blues bar, and then go home for some raucous and uninhibited sex.
It was great.
Four years on, I have to keep in mind my second platitude: it’s easy to rest on your laurels.
That’s why this challenge got me excited. When you run a small business todo lists never end, so a deadline helps, even with sex.
We sat down, came up with what we wanted to try and we did it, eventually. After fits and starts we got it done… four months later.
I’m not going to outline all of our kinky affairs, because that’s none of your damn business. But it was a great reminder of our animal attraction
And with that, I’ll leave you with the final platitude and my takeaway from the challenge: The more you put in, the more you get out.
It’s obvious. But we can always use a reminder.
JESS: Grant and I met in 2011 in Chicago while we were in graduate school. I knew who Grant was from day one, partially because our cohort was small (only about 40 people), but also because Grant is Grant. He was that guy, the one you just knew was going to do big things. He was handsome, confident and always at the center of every conversation, charming the pants off all the rest (well not all of them, but I definitely wasn’t the only victim of his allure). I was dating someone else at the time, but that did not stop him from trying…or me from being interested.
Sex has never been a problem for us. We love it. But in early 2015 we did this thing together that is kind of nuts: We both quit our jobs on the exact same day and started our own business. The business takes up almost all our waking hours, causes seemingly endless worry and over analysis, along with periods of wide eyed dreaming and elation. Since earlier this year we’ve gone through highs and lows in our sex life that ebb and flow with our combined stress levels, which made this test more difficult than it otherwise would have been for us.
With that caveat sorted out, I have a confession to make: We didn’t finish the test. We did do the first four days or so, and they went splendidly. We took turns picking things we wanted to try. We’re generally fairly adventurous, so there were no big surprises there.
But we couldn’t keep it up. A work stress cropped up that consumed us, and we completely forgot. Around that time, there were a few other events that forced us to take a hard look at the time and effort we were putting into our personal relationship. We needed to make sure it had some separation from our business relationship. We needed to remember why we decided to quit our jobs to spend all our time together in the first place.
We made one really important change: We instituted a date night. Now, every Thursday we focus on each other, not work. It has already had a real positive impact on our relationship, but not because of date night itself, because it has reminded us of what we are together. We are partners in life first and foremost. Loving each other is what makes everything else work.
* We’ve let Jess and Grant change their names in exchange for their honesty describing this date